Sunday, February 13, 2011

I want to be Madeleine Albright when I grow up

However, if that is not possible, I'd like to be the inventor of a diet fad. In a country where obesity runs rampant through a culture of gimme gimme right now, one can market just about anything to fat people.

My first idea is the juju bee diet. I've created a pill that essentially gives you massive bouts of diarrhea and the meal plan is simple: eat as many juju bees as you want, plus one orange and a minimum of five glasses of water a day. The juju bees need to be "stimulated" with one thirty minute walk per day. I think putting an orange in there could reduce the risk of scurvy (and getting sued). Accessories to the meal plan would include special flip flops with NASA technology (not the NASA you are thinking of, but a different NASA) that increase the number of calories your body burns during that thirty minute walk. You could even be eating juju bees on that walk.

Did you know that researchers have discovered that playing gin rummy twice a week can increase your IQ?

Did you know that singing in the shower can help reduce the risk of heart attacks?

Did you know that mosquito bites can increase the risk of skin cancer?

You see how easy this is. It's like shooting juju bees in a barrel.

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