Even Hitler had a girlfriend

I flushed moldy cheese down the toilet because it smelled bad and I didn't want to smell it in the trash for a week until garbage day. Then, I #2'd and the combination seriously effed up my toilet. It was very bad decision-making on my part, I admit. I had to go out and buy a plunger because my toilet looked like a brimming coffee cup. I plunged and plunged but nothing happened and I was afraid to flush, so I called my dad for advice. He has a strong gag reflex and hung up on me before telling me to shut off the water. . . so I didn't shut off the water. I had already taken off all of my clothes because skin is easier to wash (I don't have a washing machine in my apartment and don't own a hazmat suit). I got bits everywhere when I flushed and I cried a little (and gagged), naked, befouled and desperate.

After twenty minutes of splashing and scrubbing and self-loathing in the nude, I texted to ask my boyfriend if we could chat for a minute about my toilet situation because I needed some questions answered. He's a handy guy. Plus, he already knew about the cheese-flushing. I described the situation about the black water and he said “wait, why is the water black?” umm. . .anyway, he told me to shut off the water, described some plunging techniques after discussing different types of plungers (red and black), advised getting a container I was ok with throwing away so that I could scoop out some of the water and suggested I watch a youtube video on the topic. This was all helpful and progress was made after an hour of hard labor, but problem was not solved. I cut myself on the shower door track climbing in to rinse off and I think I contaminated the wound with feces.

At wit's end, on the verge of a breakdown, I called the landlord and left a message begging for assistance and apologizing profusely.

I wanted to throw myself out the window out of shame.

I disinfected my bath tub and took a shower.

Reinforcements arrived: the landlord showed up with a plumber and a hardcore plunger.

They went to town on my terlet, dropping a lot of f-bombs and kvetching that they wouldn't be able to eat dinner after this. They were horrified, I was mortified.

They fixed it. In the near future, I might have to do this with my boyfriend watching/helping. How did Adolf get Eva Braun to even agree to a suicide pact? Can I garner that type of loyalty, because right now I really want to break up with myself.