3 Weeks of Wedding Planning Is All It Takes

I like to think a good time was had by most. . .

I started the weekend with a bachelorette party hosted by a couple of friends. They invited some of my cousins and most of my female drinking buddies. Shots were enforced, I wore a silly sash and veil and was forced to do humiliating things like ask people to make me a new Jewish last name (New Haven may be anti-semitic y'all), have a dance off, request strangers to rap for me and ask for condoms. I did not get drunk, but I did get humped by a total stranger. I'm lucky to have just narrowly avoided pinkeye.

On Saturday, we were set to exchange our vows in front of just our parents, siblings and my grandmother at a lovely local community garden. We wrote our own and I opened with a poem to JKR adapted from The Book of Ruth:

Entreat me not to leave you, or to return from following after you for where you go, I will go and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and where you die, I will die and there I shall be buried.

I also vowed never to become a Republican. Unfortunately, with a curling iron wrapped in my head the thunder began to rumble and then it rained. The "minister" offered her livingroom and I accepted. I was married in front of the sofas where I spend about 1/4 of my leisure time anyway. I did have last minute cold feet about exchanging vows in front of people and texted my husband-to-be to see if we could just quickly do it in the basement while nobody was watching. He said no. I guess marriage makes him think he gets a say in things now. My grandmother and the aunt delivering her to the ceremony were able to find us, after a 15 hour day at the casino, but were unable to stay more than twenty minutes because Grandpa #4 wasn't feeling well and they didn't want to leave him that long. . . JKR's parents and little sister were in attendance along with my mom, my little sister, father and step-mother and my brother dressed as a "greasy serial killer." I accidentally swore during the ceremony. We celebrated with dinner at the restaurant where JKR and I had our first real date. We both managed to not spill anything on ourselves and it was magical.

The next day was the reception: a giant party for 70 friends and family in my dad's backyard. We hired a dj and bartender (the only essentials I am aware of for weddings) decorated the hell out of everything an popped up some tents. Since JKR's current boss as well as former boss and many colleagues were in attendance, I was a wee concerned about how my family would behave. I'd been repeatedly telling people it was no biggie, it's just a party, but in actuality, it was a backyard wedding.

My cousin offering her homemade bathtub wine to a former Congressman and another cousin wearing jorts was just the beginning. Her dandelion wine is made from plants she finds driving all over the State -like on highways and stuff. Her husband careened through tables and chairs on my sister's scooter, a little drunk, and we thought for sure he was going to have an accident. However, we forgot about my cousin that never leaves home without fireworks. He had some big ones out in the street, set one off in which the fuse lit immediately, and took a fireball to the face. He shattered his entire cheek and had to have a metal plate put in to reconstruct that side. I was told today that he left the hospital, is home and doing well, and wants the rest of his fireworks back. None of that ruined the party, amazingly. Everyone had a great time and my father's deck turned into a dance party by the end of the night.

I am thrilled to be married to an awesome guy. He's funny, smart and interesting and never saw the worst of my gene pool until he'd already put a ring awn it! At the end of the party, one of my drunk relatives asked JKR about our move into the new place and if he had help and JKR said we hired movers and he reportedly poked him in the chest and said "Must be nice to be rich, huh!" I still think my relatives are awesome.

No takebacks!