She is driving me insane. Therapy didn't work. We spent about $400 to see a PhD in dog behavior and she sat in a room with us for an hour and a half while the dog happily licked her own junk in the corner. The doctor didn't observe any of Abby's issues directly, she just spent that time talking through them and reading through the 10 page medical history and essay questions we had to fill out and send in prior to the appointment. She didn't want to observe any troubling behavior because she felt that keeping the dog calm was the most important strategy. She gave us a few training techniques to try on our own to combat the dog's overall anxiety and as part of the session, would be available for telephone and e-mail follow-up for the next two months. That was great, until she didn't return our calls or e-mails. We finally sent a video of our main concern: Abby is terrified of the outdoors. The hysteria in getting her fixed all started when Abby tried to bite my face off when I put her leash on and then lunged for my cat. She has panic attacks when she goes for walks. She shakes, drools, and her tail is between her legs. She prefers to do her business inside, which would be fine if she would use a litterbox, but she'll seek out a patch of rug or carpet to desecrate and ruin. She's interested in the litterbox, but mainly to poach snacks. She enjoys very little in life. After our initial appointment with the "professional," she didn't return our calls/e-mails, so we sent a video of her freaking out in the park. The doctor said "oh, that can't be fixed, I'll write her a prescription for prozac." That lady is an a-hole. So is the dog. We already have prozac for her and want to avoid having a pill-popping junkie dog. Abby's progressed and started waking us up in the middle of the night with her freak-outs. She bangs on the metal door of her crate and howls - so we moved her crate upstairs to sit outside of our bedroom door because we're afraid she'll wake our creepy neighbors and they'll kill us. Now, she just bangs and whines loudly until the man of the house lays down in front of her crate and goes to sleep on the floor. She's horribly horribly annoying. It's like having a baby.
Also, how long did it take my mom to call me after reading here that I didn't want kids because then my life would be over? She called me within hours. She also thought I was saying that I gave vodka to my cousin's kids - pffft, no, they can get their own vodka. I drank the vodka, in case there was any confusion about that. One year I asked my mom what she wanted for Mother's Day and her only response was "a grandchild," so I imagine she's a little stressed over this. The dude I married is also counting on my changing my mind in a year or so about wanting kids. I agree that saying I never want to do it is an extreme, so for everyone's benefit I will just say that in this particular moment (for the past few weeks), I've been hoping that my uterus will fall out and I don't ever have to have a grubby little person covered in snot and jam attached to my leg.
There are many concerns here. I'm old, what if it has two thumbs? Or worse? I'm selfish and occasionally lazy - what if it's a serial killer or bad at math and I'm very disappointed in him/her? How could I live with that? Parenting is not easy - and not that I've resigned myself to the easy road in life, I have not, but parenting seems like a huge pain the ass. You can't just sell a baby with a 6-pack of beer if it starts to get really annoying and won't let you sleep.
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