Cage Match Between the Easter Bunny and Moses

It's almost Passover and I'm once again annoyed at modern American commercialism's lack of available resources for approximately 5 million Americans. Jews want to waste their money on senseless holiday crap, too, Hallmark jerks.

I went out in search of a Seder Plate. This is a special dish with little compartments for foods/symbols that should be represented at your Passover meal to remind Jews/guests of Jews at Passover of the trials and tribulations the Jews faced when they were freed from slavery in Egypt. Ever watch that old movie with Charlton Heston called The 10 Commandments? We have special plates to commemorate all of that crap happening. You know that painting of Jesus' Last Supper? That was actually a Passover Seder and apparently, his seder plate did not come from Macy's, Target, Pier 1, Marshall's or any other major shopping outlet. If Jesus wanted a plate shaped like a bunny head that could hold deviled eggs - he would have had a multitude of choices at all of those previously mentioned retail establishments, but not the plate for the holiday he actually celebrated.

JKR and I decided to make our own Passover Seder this year and he wanted a "real" seder plate. I am so enamored with him that I agreed to go to one of my least favorite places on the planet: the mall. He was almost run over by a mall train and I pushed him out of the way and almost head first into a pretzel kiosk, thus saving his life. He now owes me a life, which is good for me. I like holding that debt. I also almost had to beat up some snotty teenagers and then tried to give the middle finger to the Easter Bunny situated at the center of the plaza for fat kids to sit on and whine about chocolate. He didn't see me. It was all a very harrowing experience and we got a variety of responses from sales clerks when we posed the question "Do you carry any Seder Plates?"

"No."
"A what?"
"No, this is the first time we had Hanukkah things."
"No, of course not."

Also, based on what I know about Easter and its relationship to chocolate - how come I can't find a chocolate crown of thorns anywhere? JKR wants to make "betrayal baskets" for our friends coming to Passover Seder and we thought a chocolate crown of thorns would be a key item. Anyone?