Hey Kate, Put This In Your Mouth!

I was right about that bland Moroccan place - they closed. I'm right about so many things. You know who has awesome food, but you should never ever go there unless you're trying to lose weight by vomiting excessively? The Naked Oyster. It's a vodka bar with a great food menu and a fruit-fly and stomach bug infestation. I had a groupon that I shared with my friend and she thought it was the best calamari she'd ever tasted. Later that night, when I was horribly ill, I asked my husband to help me clean the floor where my aim wasn't so great and he started to dry heave just being near it - so apparently I married one of those. Don't eat there. Pukey McCentral.

I'm disappointed that chains are invading New Haven. The independent food in New Haven is so marvelous - like Saturday and Sunday dim sum at Great Wall or tamales at Ay Arepa or the calzones at Tony and Lucille's where it's so huge and everyone is so disabled by their obesity that your food comes out on a hospital cart. Why do we need a Chipotle?

If you ever do make it to C.O. Jones (cojones, get it?), where I first met the dude I married, I recommend everything.

If you have eaten all of the amazing things New Haven has to offer, head to West Hay Hay and go to Saray. It's a fabo b.y.o.b. Turkish restaurant where I got a giant pile of pistachio baklava in lieu of a birthday cake. I then jammed birthday candles into its buttery flakey goodness and demanded that my husband and 9-year-old cousin sing to me. They refused so I guilted them and borderline cried and stamped my feet until they monotoned out some "you look like a monkey and blah blah blah blah." Saray has fabulous food and I ate 9 pieces of baklava.

If you're ever in the mood for a low-calorie dessert topped with fatty, processed candy and liquid marshmallow, go to Froyo World and try not to get killed in an UGGS stampede. I'm also thrilled that New Haven has an Insomnia Cookies store (they deliver until 3a.m. in case you are a hungry stoner with a sweet tooth), but I regret eating an amazing s'mores cookie after my groupon debacle at Chez Vomit.