Being Pregnant Is Ruining Kim Kardashian's Career

It made people bored with her.

I would have defended her a few weeks ago when people who write and blog and take photos of celebrities were bashing her for getting fat. That's really over the line with a pregnant lady and extremely cowardly. However, I just couldn't muster the oomph to defend her in that dress that everyone compared to Shamu. I don't think pregnant women can control how the weight comes on and it needs to come on. Some women stay really active and some are just tired all the time, or sick. I wanted to say that, but Kim Kardashian? Snoooooze.

I've thought long and hard about having children myself. I even thought maybe I could be one of those pregnant women that doesn't look pregnant from behind because she's so fit and normal-looking everywhere else. In actuality, I'll probably be a panting, sweating mess of a hormonal blob double-fisting candy bars.

I'm terrified of motherhood because I completely understand the commitment it entails. Most people either tell me to "just do it" or that I can do it "when I'm ready" when I say that I do not want children. I believe I will eventually succumb to societal pressure and just breed - because otherwise I totally cheated the dude I married and he'd probably get resentful. It's not just that kids are greedy, needy, demanding parasites, but also that it's very difficult to keep children safe in this day and age, or to provide the best opportunities at all times. My husband travels a lot (without me) and has cycles at work where he's so busy, I can only talk to him one day a week. None of that would change all that much if we brought in a rosy ball of need, but you know what would change? I'd lose all my freedom. Goodbye sweet-ass lifestyle of always being caught up on Game of Thrones and wearing clean shirts. Being a stay-at-home mom seems like a death sentence to me and going to work in some office to pay for childcare seems like a torture sentence. I worry that children will ruin my life. Life is great now, why rock the boat?

I don't know that I'll ever fully be on board with the idea, but it'll probably happen anyway because that's what people do. When I say I don't want brats and people say "you don't have to do it right now," they are speaking from the heart. No pressure. My mother's been pressuring me for years, even when I was single. What do you want for mother's day, Mom? A grandchild. Ugh. My eggs are really old and might be full of Cadbury creme, it's really anybody's guess at this point. A reader who wasn't my mother or father (see? People read this!) asked if I'd changed positions and basically no, it's not that I've changed positions, but I do feel the inevitability of a new poop machine.