The owners are a lovely Rabbi and his wife. They could definitely do better than me as a tenant, but why would they want to do that? I deserve this after what I've been through. I spent the night in Connecticut over the weekend and woke up to an empty parking spot in front of my friend's house in New Haven. I immediately called '911' to report that my car had been stolen and was told by the operator that my problem was not a '911' emergency, but IT IS TO ME!
She gave me the local police number and I called, only to find out that my husband never paid the car taxes due in January for the previous year, so the car had been towed during the night. A $149 tax bill became $300 with the boot fee, plus the tow. When my husband didn't return my calls for an hour during this 8am fiasco, his punishment went from a whiny guilt trip to water boarding. I needed that money for botox and lap band surgery. It was very upsetting. When we finally spoke his response was "but I didn't know they towed cars for that."
So our lease is up and we're trying to find a new apartment with a water view because I'm greedy. Moving is incredibly stressful, so it was a bad time to believe my car had been stolen in the middle of the night. The rabbi's beachfront property was cheering me up, but I had to work at it. I was laying down my best schmooze. I used my maiden name AND my married name (combined they make me sound like a law firm), casually mentioned that my husband's grandfather had been a rabbi, that I was not the young congregant who burned down my own synagogue (the cause of that fire was never released to the public) and anything else I could think of. I was trying to be this:
As I was schmoozing and attempting to get them to rent to me, it occurred to them that their apartment was worth more. They raised the rent as we were discussing the rental application. I hadn't even moved all my crummy stuff in yet and they hiked it. Yeesh. Then an extra month's rent was added as a deposit. Then it was made known that we had to pay for the water. The rabbi's wife is a shark and every few minutes there was a new bill or surcharge, but their eldest daughter is also named Rachel and so wouldn't my husband and I just be the perfect tenants? Well, no. It was too many hoops and I look terrible in a stick-on beard, so I backed out tonight and immediately felt relief, but I'm really bummed about losing that waterfront property. Does anyone want to let me, my husband and our small band of animals live with them as of June 1?
On a totally unrelated note, what's with all of the racist Jews in the media lately? They're totally giving the rest of us a bad rap. I mean, I'm a little racist because when my sister had her first son, I wanted to write a t.v. show about her boyfriend's mom and my step-mother and how they interacted differently with the baby and I wanted to call it "Black Grandma White Grandma," but I feel like my racism is of the softer sort than like banning a race from your basketball games or pretending White Privilege isn't real. "Black Grandma White Grandma" wouldn't just make fun of one race, either, it would have more of a reality t.v. feel to it. Do you think Tyler Perry would want to work with me on this, because I love him and I think we'd make a great team.
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