Some Friends Are So Good, They Could Be Sister Wives

I'm excited for my friend Pulled Pork - she got a great new job in San Diego and she hit the road this morning. She spent about a week and a half staying with us so she could vacate her condo for the first of the month. She left this morning and I've been crying and feeling sorry for myself for about an hour. She's one of the best people I know. You can always always call her to do something fun or weird or awkwardly obligatory that you don't want to do alone.

She has an interesting bond with Ruth Bader Catsburg, who ignores most people, because she cat-sat for her once and Ruth broke a bunch of her stuff and stole her food. Pulled Pork is the only person that can walk into my house and cuddle with Ruth.

When I really needed health insurance and I wasn't too sure yet about my husband, she and I discussed getting married. Later, we agreed that if we ever needed to, we could sister-wife it. She and my husband get along great - she is one of the few people he will hug willingly. When I was single and sometimes hating it, she helped me get drunk and google all of my exes to make sure they still sucked. They did. She showed up at my parents' house two days in a row at 7am to make sure things were clean, set-up and ready for our backyard "wedding reception." She took me to the spa to get a facial so I'd look refreshed, and had the esthetician play "vagina music" to get in the girly groove. She "helped" me to have a bachelorette party after I refused to have a shower because showers are just dumb gift grabs and made it as traditional as possible by setting up a vodka tasting and making me wear a corny sash. She let me take photos of myself and my sister stabbing at her Christmas tree for a Hanukkah card I was sending out.

When Truffles was a baby and had to get fixed, she did not react well to anesthesia. She vomited everywhere, had diarrhea by the front door so that it got stuck under the door jamb and made brown half circles across the floor every time I opened it until I could clear it all out and I was losing my mind that day. Pulled Pork came over and sat with us for a little while so I'd stop freaking out.

When she was won Miss Pizza 2014, she won over $1,000 gift cards for pizza and she shared her pizza with me for months. She doesn't really even like pizza. She visited me so many times in Philly that she practically became a regular at the bar downstairs from my apartment. It was great. I pressured her to get a dog for a really long time and she finally relented and adopted Truffles' best friend, Jimmy Dean, whom Truffles may never see again.

:(