Tensions at home. . .

I've been kicking my neighbor's things around the hallway. I've knocked two more times to talk to her about the piles, but the rat-scurrying I hear going on inside her apartment abruptly stops. I asked the landlord about her - is she a hoarder or is she moving? The landlord says she is moving out, but I thought that was happening this weekend. It did not happen, but a new pile was started that almost completely obstructs access to my door. It's really annoying and I want to rain the plagues of Passover on her apartment, but I don't want to get arrested. I'm still on the fence about whether or not I should just throw out all of her stuff. Thoughts? Advice?

In other news, I went to a dirty biker bar last night that happened to be holding a Red Cross benefit. This sign hung above the bar:

Biker bars just aren't what they used to be. Biker gangs are more about toys for tots now, right? Lots of Red Cross supporters were hitting the hotdog buffet (if you bought a Red Cross ticket you could eat all the hotdogs and pink cupcakes you wanted) pretty hard.

The guy standing next to me was wearing chaps, but that didn't stop him from enjoying the magic show on stage. The magician made a little red ball disappear in his hand. I used to have one of those kits, too. When the magician was finished, house music came on and some drunk old biker babes in tight sweater dresses started dancing awkwardly in concentric circular patterns until one danced over to a chair, tried to dance herself onto it to sit, but fell over it instead. This place has concrete floors, so I imagine that hurt.

As the only sober person in the bar, I had to move on to a place where I could be the one dancing awkwardly.

My friend and I have come up with two new ways to introduce ourselves to gentlemen who talk to us at bars. I'd like to either say I'm a professional wrestler when they ask me what I do, or I'll steal their drinks and say it's for charity. You can do anything and then say "it's for charity" and people buy it. My friend will follow-up with the information that the Make A Wish Foundation is funding my night out and she is a volunteer helping me enjoy myself. It's for charity.