Ever been so ravenously hungry that you ate a salad like it was Thanksgiving at a concentration camp?

Nom nom nom can't talk nom nom eating nom nom

Maintaining a healthy bodyweight takes a lot of self effing control. Last night while having dinner with a friend, I cut my hand on a badly constructed placemat and bled profusely through most of my meal. I hap-hazardly wrapped a paper towel around my hand and refused to leave my plate to get a band-aid. There were also low-fat crescent rolls to raise the stakes. If you got near me during this crucial time of bleeding and eating, you could have lost a finger to the madness. Now that the holidays are over and a particular pair of jeans is snugger than usual and not in a good way (muffin top), I've been trying to be better about not eating ladle-fulls of hot tamales and lately I have been drinking only out of water fountains instead of chocolate fountains.

I have been keeping my office stocked with healthy snacks like rice cake crackers, which are actually a step below real rice cakes. These things taste like air that was scientifically engineered to crunch. I may as well just be melting a couple of salt granules on my tongue.

One can always be fitter and more toned, but particularly when one goes back on the dating market. An extra round of push-ups in the morning, fewer frosting and peanut butter sandwiches, etc. is my ticket to looking and feeling better. I started dating someone and am thinking of the best way to drop ten pounds before he sees me naked. Surgery has a really long recovery time and I'd rather manage the stress of culinary cut backs with low-calorie wine than pain pills.