Passover was great. I ordered a shankbone from the meat department at Whole Foods and the butcher said "Oh! Like a decoration bone?" Yes, I like to decorate my house with raw bloody animal bones. Looks great on a coffee table. I bought kosher chicken and it turned out to be green and rotten. Jews!
There is this part of the seder where you hide a piece of matzoh and everybody tries to find it and I made my guests down a glass of wine first. It was at JKR's apartment and so there was some awkwardness when I realized that one friend opened his condom and lube drawer, another friend his underwear drawer and then a third friend opened one of his closets and said "this closet smells like ass. c'mere everybody and smell this closet. doesn't it smell like ass?" Finally someone just asked me where NOT to look because it was getting too awkward. Woops. Well, it was my first holiday with JKR and I accidentally crammed his garbage disposal with too many potato peels and broke it. The kitchen sink was out of commission for clean-up when the drano he poured in didn't work and neither did the plunger. Luckily, he has a whole other room with running water and I was able to wash the dishes in the bathtub. He took the elbow pipe out to unclog the drain the next day and gave himself acid burns from the drano. I do feel guilty. How does one make that up to a person? Does drano scar permanently?
In other news: someone invented a low-fat brown sugar pop-tart. If you are anything like me, you will buy into any food item that purports to be low-fat or low-calorie or fat-free because that means you aren't going to become obese eating fifty low-fat brown sugar pop-tarts for dinner. Even better, it says it's now made with fiber. We all know what that means- let's just call that "fiber" marketing ploy what it is. Nobody is buying into that because they think it's helping their colon or strengthening fingernails or improving vision. We buy things with fiber because we assume that means we are going to poop it out and therefore the calories won't stick around and make us fat. Oh this fudge wad has 8grams of fiber, I should eat this after my bowl of ice cream to "take care of business." Yes, that's a thing.
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