I Have Bitch Tourettes

That's what my cousin Jessica calls my hormone reaction to Nuvaring.

Instead of just telling JKR to please not leave his clothes on the floor, I do this:
"You know what I love about the decor in this room?"
"What's that?"
"The crumpled pants on the floor."
"Why do you have to say it so bitchy, why can't you just ask me not to leave clothes on the floor?"
"What's the fun in that?"

Instead of nicely asking him to please not leave his dishes in the sink and to put them in the dishwasher, I tell fairytales of the dish fairy who magically implants fresh dishes in the cabinet and takes away the dirty dishes to feed to the dish plants so that new dishes can be created for tomorrow.

We've been having a 2-3 minute session each night before we go to bed in which I apologize. My ring system got screwed up this month because of travel and I've been experiencing a host of annoying side effects for about two weeks. I can't always feel it when it's happening, but I realize it later when it's too late and someone is lying in the corner in the fetal position, sobbing.

I don't react well to the hormones in birth control. I had my last bout with the pill end in 2010 when I cried under a coat rack during Passover seder, argued with my iron and cried when someone told me they liked my shirt. I punched the guy I was dating in the arm for accidentally stubbing my toe as he walked by. I punched him! He got the last laugh, however, when I called him crying to talk about all of my feelings and he didn't pick up the phone because he was watching wrestling. Nuvaring is supposed to be different because hormones don't go into your blood stream, but my bitch tourettes is telling a different story.

I'm generally very even-keeled and not prone to freak-outs, so when hormone flare-ups are happening, I know something is wrong. It's frustrating, I hate all this shiz. If the war on women ever dies down and we can start expanding women's healthcare again, do you think maybe hysterectomies could become elective surgery?

In other news, I was at Family Dollar today -my favorite chain store that makes me think of a prison gift shop if prisons had gift shops -and there was a very long line at the checkout counter. The line wasn't moving very fast, so the woman in front of me with a stroller housing a 1-2 year old, asked if I would hold her spot while she got a replacement item and I said sure. She LEFT her baby behind to go get it. I could have stolen, sold or eaten it -what was she thinking?