Sure I could get a nice massage from my loving husband, but if I'm paying someone, they can't get "tired hands" or demand the same in return after ten minutes. I don't necessarily have to put out, either. Also in this scenario, my very deserving husband gets something nice, too.
We sat in a private waiting room in bathrobes, sipping champagne and flipping through "Mars & Venus Cards" for descriptions of our shortcomings, conveniently organized by gender.
Mars: When she's telling you about a problem, she wants you to empathize, not solve the problem
That's incorrect, he says.
That's incorrect, he says.
Venus: He needs you to trust him more
Well, until he stops lying about how many Wendy's hamburgers he sneaks before dinner, I'll be withholding said trust.
We stepped into the infrared sauna to warm up before being called to the massage table and the whole thing was like a mini 2-hour vacation. . . until another couple in bathrobes walked into our room and sat in our seats, the only seats in the room, and we couldn't leave the sauna. Saunas become significantly less relaxing when you can't leave them, or eat and drink inside them. It's ok, we got out. We're alive, brought back to life by some champagne and chocolate-dipped strawberries. The massage was magical. For just a few hours, we left politics, the other woman in our marriage, behind as strangers rubbed oil on us and we didn't have to reciprocate anything.
Politics was back an hour later during dinner because some self-important "journalist" - who hasn't reported a single scrap of real news in five years - referred to my husband as a pop-collared frat-molded idiot. I hate this guy and every smug sanctimonious word he writes and I'd love to drive to his office and punch him in the face then jam all the staples in his stapler into his knee caps, but the Mars & Venus cards were clear: don't interfere with your partner's bidness. I'll refrain from kicking that guy in the spine, for now, but I'm biding my time for the right opportunity. I hate everyone who is mean to my husband. That is also a wildly inaccurate description of my nervous, gaunt, designated-driving, Doris Kearns Goodwin-reading soulmate. That guy is now on the same list as the dog in my neighborhood who runs free and bit Truffles in the butt last week.
Democrats to watch for the 2016 Presidential election? Well, John Stewart has just cleared his schedule, so there's that possibility to look forward to. Right? Ready for Stewart 2016?
We stepped into the infrared sauna to warm up before being called to the massage table and the whole thing was like a mini 2-hour vacation. . . until another couple in bathrobes walked into our room and sat in our seats, the only seats in the room, and we couldn't leave the sauna. Saunas become significantly less relaxing when you can't leave them, or eat and drink inside them. It's ok, we got out. We're alive, brought back to life by some champagne and chocolate-dipped strawberries. The massage was magical. For just a few hours, we left politics, the other woman in our marriage, behind as strangers rubbed oil on us and we didn't have to reciprocate anything.
Politics was back an hour later during dinner because some self-important "journalist" - who hasn't reported a single scrap of real news in five years - referred to my husband as a pop-collared frat-molded idiot. I hate this guy and every smug sanctimonious word he writes and I'd love to drive to his office and punch him in the face then jam all the staples in his stapler into his knee caps, but the Mars & Venus cards were clear: don't interfere with your partner's bidness. I'll refrain from kicking that guy in the spine, for now, but I'm biding my time for the right opportunity. I hate everyone who is mean to my husband. That is also a wildly inaccurate description of my nervous, gaunt, designated-driving, Doris Kearns Goodwin-reading soulmate. That guy is now on the same list as the dog in my neighborhood who runs free and bit Truffles in the butt last week.
Democrats to watch for the 2016 Presidential election? Well, John Stewart has just cleared his schedule, so there's that possibility to look forward to. Right? Ready for Stewart 2016?
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