My parents are great. I want to get that out of the way before I totally trash talk them. I just need to say a few things about my sweet and lovely mother and I know I can get away with this because there is no way in hell she will ever read my blog unless one of her lost sheep in Farmville reads it to her.
She lives in the middle of nowhere Indiana. No, I am not from there. She and my step-father have a large parcel of land that was previously cultivated as farmland. Under her care, my cat has become an outdoor beast who loves to catch and kill mice and frogs. She says I can't have him back because he'll never be happy with me again. She loves animals and is well known for treating them like humans. Her dog passed away last year, earlier than you'd expect. They fed him what they eat: bacon and potato chips, and he had a lot of health issues. He had high blood pressure and he was on pills for that, which they'd feed him wrapped in bacon. Here is the antidote wrapped in poison.
Over the weekend, they acquired a horse and a goat. This concerns me because I worry they will feed the animals poorly.
"Mom, you should not be giving that horse McDonald's"
"But he loves their french fries, sweetie"
They also plan to ride the horse, but both of them, whom I really do love dearly, are looking at the north side of 200 pounds. I think only Wilford Brimley should be allowed to ride Candy. I hope he doesn't already have the gout.
Picture of Wilford Brimley on Camdy: an absolute must. Photoshop acceptable.
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