Monday, February 6, 2012

Dear American Healthcare System, I Hate You

You are ruining the health of millions. If you were a person, I would mace you.

I don't understand why public health insurance is unpopular with anyone other than rich people. We all need it, but it's only a band-aid solution to the biggest problem clogging up the average schmoe's finances: this shiz costs too much. It doesn't need to cost this much and you can buy antibiotics for just a few bucks everywhere else in the world. I am in the process of training my own army of Chinese children with their tiny little hands so perfect for manufacturing to build me an x-ray machine because I fall down a lot and I don't want to keep paying for expensive x-rays at hospitals. It doesn't need to be such expensive technology. I know this because it only costs a lot in America when I fall down. If I didn't have insurance and I broke my leg and needed to pay cash for treatment, I'd probably spend less buying a plane ticket to Turkey and getting treated there at a nice private hospital than I would going to a dumpy hospital here where I'd be over-charged for jell-o and a staph infection.

If I were going to be building a coalition around healthcare reform, it would be based on capping the costs to the patient. Anti-capitalist, you say? Go fuck yourself, this is why grocery stores and utility companies can't jack up prices on necessities during a natural disaster. That principal needs to be applied to healthcare. This is the kind of treatment we should be demanding, not unintelligible and undecipherable healthcare plans that can't meet everyone's needs anyway. This is a prime example of corporate interests ruining everything, but somehow managing to let the little guy take the blame. When you, the individual interested in politics, complain about what your tax dollars are spent on and you refer to things like the social safety net, you should keep in mind that programs funding medical benefits of any kind cost more than they should because of the inflated prices of these medications and services that are represented by a tremendous lobbying effort that is not concerned with the feasibility of a patient's finances. Oh yeah, we also spent the same amount on war. We don't even have the best healthcare in the world, just the most expensive.

There are affordable healthcare options. . .like Planned Parenthood. The insides of a woman compared to the insides of a man is the equivalent of comparing the hardware inside an iphone to an abacus. I'm not sure your testicles deserve a stamp, frankly. For the ladies, so much can go wrong and without the affordable check-ups and screenings that PP makes possible, so many women would fall between the cracks. Do we really want to go back to the days of coat hangers in back alleys and even more rampant STD outbreaks? I hope not because let's face it you jerks who shouldn't get a say in the argument - you can do all you want to wage war on abortion, but women aren't going to stop getting them. Didn't you see that film with Cher? Duh. It's just that if you make it more difficult and add extra stigmas, your daughter will bleed to death while vagrants in dumpsters watch and wait to steal her shoes.

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