I didn't really want to go to my husband's boss's holiday thing - set in goy village with lots of lit up Christmas trees, giant creepy Santa dolls and red sweater vests, but marriage brings lots of unpleasant obligations, like office events and not turning into a fat slob too soon. Here is what I learned the hard way:
1) Do not try to chew lobster meat out of the tail while simultaneously holding a glass of wine and a mini plate. Set them down, use a fork and gentle, non-splattering force to pull out the meat and put it on your plate to devour in the corner while no one is watching.
2) Don't be too social - your spouse's co-workers aren't that interesting and you will get trapped. Be aloof. Growl if necessary.
3) If you sneak off to a room that's filled with desserts of all kinds and you just start shoving things into your mouth willy nilly because you're anonymous and you love cake pops - don't tense up, thus revealing your identity, when the strangers around you jump to life in a warm welcome as your spouse enters in search of you because you escaped a boring conversation to eat dessert in anonymous peace.
4) Don't tell strangers that you have a working theory that your 10-year-old cat has dementia.
5) If your spouse is not leaving fast enough, hold off on threatening to get drunk and "be yourself" and just try to remain calm. Patience is a virtue!
6) Don't tell other guests that they remind you of fat, dead celebrities.
Whoa! Good advice Rach.
ReplyDeleteWish I could have been an anonybug on the wall watching
all the action.