Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Livin the high life. . .


My sink has looked like this for about a week. Want to know why? Because I am conserving water! No, not really, I am just a lazy schlub when it comes to washing dishes. I already mopped this week so dishes will happen next week. Christmas weekend is being saved for laundry. This is what's great about living alone because you know who cares about my slovenly ways? I DON'T CARE.

The big issue here is not that I am a dirty pig, but that I can't keep the sidewalks under the same tight controls as my apartment. Cyclists who ride on sidewalks piss me off. Sometimes I say something out loud, sometimes I grumble under my breath and sometimes I yell drunkenly while they pedal away convinced I must be talking to someone else because why would I be yelling "sidewalk," "murder," "rules," and "forbidden" in no particular order? Occasionally I will start with some light conversation:

"Oh hey, do you go to Yale?"
"Yeah!"
"Oh, nice. Are you from around here?"
"No, I'm from Saskatchewan"
"Oh, then you probably don't know that bicycles aren't allowed on the sidewalks here. Illegal. Death penalty and stuff, especially for foreigners because of the Geneva Convention. So, you should get in that lane right there that is painted on the road with PICTURES OF BICYCLES IN IT."

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