My husband is out of town this weekend, visiting kin folk down south. Just folks bein' folks. Every once in a while, it's fun to pretend to be Southern and say ridiculous things that only a Southerner would say or understand. Sometimes you just gotta eat the steak without the potato cuz that's the way the good Lord intended! That's just folks bein' folks.
He was anxious about leaving me - I think anxious about what I would do while he is gone. I'm basically going to lay on the beach like one of those whales that's about to die and washes up on shore and little kids have to drape wet towels over it, and then eat a bunch of food that gives me heartburn and gas. Oh mah gawd! I might stay out past 10pm, too. Take in some free Shakespeare. Gettin' cray cray! I feel particularly motivated since AARP sent me a welcome kit this week. Jerks. I'm not old!
I invited my friend to stay over Friday night to entertain me. She recently won a year's worth of free pizza at a local restaurant. We were set to meet for drinks one night and she texted that she'd be a little late because she had to go get her photo taken at a pizza joint. I've been introducing her to people as Miss Pizza 2014 ever since. She hates that. Strangers asked to have their picture taken with her recently when I told them she was Miss Pizza 2014. It was the best.
I made a short list of some rules I could break while he is gone:
Cut the tags off the mattress
Drive an unregistered vehicle
"Accidentally" walk into a grammar school with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
Hunt for loopholes in a tax code
Take a vacation to Cuba and then come back and try to sell black-market Cuban goods
I'm definitely going to eat more than the recommended serving of lactose-free ice cream
We'll see if I live!!
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