1) I'm old. I thought I'd have been gunned down in a hail of bullets by now.
2) Not only do I dislike more people and things as I've gotten older, but I also like more people and things than I used to. Still hate mayonnaise, though.
3) Giving myself special presents for my birthday is just as important as gifts received from others. Seriously, gifts are important so if you haven't gotten me anything yet, get to the store toute suite. I bought myself a month of unlimited yoga, so don't get me that.
4) Life pretty much goes on as usual, as it should, I'm just in a good mood. And I'll be eating more. Maybe I'll speed in front of a cop so he can pull me over, look at my license, say Happy Birthday and let me off with a warning and a smile because who gets a ticket on their birthday? I mean, I'm an organ donor for crying out loud.
5) I'm more likely to over-eat than to over-drink nowadays because the recovery period is shorter and I'd rather have a short bout of embarrassing gas than commit a felony. Funny how priorities change like that.
6) I think I might want kids, but I need to figure out a back-up plan in case I really hate being a mom. How does adoption really work? Is it like when a pet isn't fitting in with the household and I just drop the baby/toddler/teen off at a special home that will feature the child's positive qualities on a web-site for quick adoption to new parents? That way, if I turn out to be a crappy parent, the kid still has a chance to get some decent parents, right? Isn't that part of Obamacare?
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