Why would anyone want to be single and free to not shave legs, fart in bed, and be pantsless in general?

Well, apparently it pains people to hear that I am single. My first week at the new job, my father emailed and asked if there were any single men in the office. My best friend's husband recently reminded me that a local bartender, who we think has brown hair, hit on me a few months ago and maybe he is still available. My roommate has the perfect guy for me, although he is four years younger than me (which is lifetimes in man-years) and it is unclear whether we have anything in common other than that we are both single at the same time.

After a month with the new agency, my boss, who is a few years older than my dad, asked me if I had a "significant other" in my life. I let him know that my cat now lives with my mother and we don't see each other very often. He was too weirded out to ask follow-up questions.

I guess it's time to start playing this game again, so if you are going to start sending me dudes, here are my dealbreakers:

-must not clip his toenails in public
-must know how to read (I am sorry if this seems classist)
-AIDS
-sterility (I want children)
-animal hater (I don't trust these people)
-drug addict (my stuff isn't worth much, but I don't want it stolen)
-not being single (I don't want to be anyone's secret second family)
-cult membership